While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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