It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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