No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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