Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
