Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
