I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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