**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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