Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
