It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
