those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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