if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
