i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
