The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
