where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
