Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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