Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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