All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
