I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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