i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
