this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
