Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
