I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
