that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
