I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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