you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
