girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
