Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
