You can't special order awesome
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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