I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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