No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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