no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
