I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
