And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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