I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
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