someone threw a dead crab at me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
