she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
