I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Everclear isn't food dammit
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
