My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
