I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I understand Curling. That high.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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