new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
ok first of all what the fuck
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
