Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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