i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
