I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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