wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
