So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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