awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
