Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
