Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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