At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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