Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
